I am thinking to Shut down the Xanga.....Sigh, don't have time to maintain that.

         Go to www.facebook.com, where I have another website and you can register as new.

The Monday peer review taught me that my English is such poor. Unbelievably, I though I can easily pass this class without rewriting for 5 times because I thought I've trained so much in my previous courses.Finally, it proves that I am totally wrong. I feel I am getting into the same situation again. She says it can be grade for C or C-. Oh my God, I wanna die! ( I 've already revised for 3 times).

I WANNA GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since last holiday, it has been a long time for me. My friends've already planned how to spend their vocation. However, I can't even think about it because too much work fills up my future schedule that I can only have an one-week break totally.

It is really cruel to student like me. Although non-stop academic period seems that it makes my tuition fee worthy. It creates a lot of pressure. Just imagine, a student who live in a foreign country, endure to communicate with strangers, maintaina a good grade, deal with problems oneself. I don't understand why my parents discourage me from coming back home.

Actually, it is a dilemma for me going back home or not. On one hand, I can catch up more by taking more classes during the break, I can find a job or do something meaningful. It can save money and time instead of spending holiday with friends. On the other hand, too much psychological and mental pressure sometimes borther me. I need to be relaxed and get out of my current environment. I need chatting and support from parents and friends. TOO MUCH PRESSURE!          I wish someone can answer me ....

I am thinking about painting a picture and hang it in the bedroom, but I don't know what I should paint about....a scenery? a person( NO, I hate painting figures)....something else? sounds boring....

I keep thinking about it for a long weekand....

until the holiday ended......

LAZY me!

There are a lot of things happened in this week. Anger, frustration, diappointment, and pressure all mingle together. I always try to ask myself, what is the happiness of my life, why I 've never had and enjoyed it at all.

Now, I understood one thing---I am an tough person because I can't forgive a person who did something wrong with me before. Superficially, I convice myself and other people that I 've forgotten the unhappy memory. However, I know I've never and will never forget it pschologically. These memory like a stain which sigmatized in my mind. It is telling me I am not happy.I am also an demanded person, never satisfied with everything, always complaint. I never blame fault on myself but others. It is not right to do so and I can't stop it to make me aggressive and inconsiderate.

 Last time, my mom told me one thing that suddenly jumps up in my head. I believe it is not bad to go to church. Perhaps internally, my inside spirit should have a religion to rely on and support with. Sometimes, when I see some people who are faithful believers. I will see it as an " addiction of  Jesus and God". I am antitheist and I live with respect to other gods. But I 've never imagined I would be one of these enthusiastists who go to church on every Sunday.